What changed? A society in crisis over marriage and divorce
Across Nigeria’s cities and towns, divorce proceedings are quietly outpacing wedding ceremonies. Family courts are busier than ever, and social media timelines—once flooded with dazzling proposals and elaborate wedding hashtags—are now littered with stories of separation and broken homes. The question many are asking is simple: what changed?
Just a few decades ago, marriage was seen as a sacred covenant. Our parents and grandparents, even with limited resources, endured storms together. Commitment, sacrifice, and compromise were central to keeping homes intact. Today, many unions do not survive the honeymoon phase. Divorce papers, it seems, fly faster than wedding invites.
Sociologists and marriage counsellors point to the profound impact of digital culture. Social media has altered perceptions of love and commitment. Young couples are bombarded with curated images of “perfect marriages”—lavish vacations, luxury gifts, and choreographed displays of affection. The reality, however, is often starkly different. “Many young people mistake highlight reels for real life,” says Dr. Adaobi Nwosu, a relationship therapist in Lagos. “When difficulties inevitably arise, they feel blindsided and unprepared.”
The rise of what some call the “soft life” mentality has also reshaped expectations. For a growing number, endurance is equated with suffering, and compromise is viewed as weakness. The vows once taken for better, for worse are increasingly reduced to captions beneath Instagram photos. Minor inconveniences become grounds for separation.
To be sure, advocates emphasise that peace of mind is non-negotiable. No one should remain in an abusive or dehumanising marriage. But experts warn that a worrying trend has emerged: the reluctance to put in the emotional labour required to sustain relationships. “It is not that marriages today fail because people are weaker,” notes Professor Ibrahim Olaniyan, a sociologist at the University of Ibadan. “They fail because the foundations are increasingly shallow.”
Those shallow foundations often stem from courtship practices. The common refrain, “What do you bring to the table?” has replaced deeper conversations about values, aspirations, and compatibility. Many relationships are built on transactional exchanges of sex and money, with little attention paid to emotional or spiritual alignment. The result: when real-life challenges surface, the relationship collapses like a house of cards.
The crisis is compounded by infidelity, now magnified by technology. DNA paternity tests have exposed long-hidden betrayals, while extramarital affairs—once veiled in secrecy—are now flaunted openly online. Domestic violence remains another persistent factor in marital breakdowns.
The social costs of these ruptures extend far beyond the couples involved. Rising divorce rates have given way to more children growing up in broken homes, often leading to cycles of instability, generational trauma, and weakened communities. “We are raising a generation emotionally under-equipped for family life,” warns Dr. Nwosu. “The effects ripple through society, shaping the future of the nation itself.”
Marriage in Nigeria today, then, is not merely a private affair—it has become a public concern. The erosion of its foundations signals not only a cultural shift but also a looming social crisis. As one Lagos-based pastor put it: “When families fail, nations stumble.”
