Marriages kissing the dust left, right, centre. Should you be worried about the institution’s increasing fragile state? Jubal Kanayo asks.
On 14th April, the internet was abuzz as Ghanaian couple, Nana Sekyere and Evelyne Korateng, sent out invites to “friends and family” to join them as they “divorce in peace”. Simply put, they were inviting all who could to their “divorce party”.
It’s been 5 days. The divorce party took place on April 30th, 2021, “to the glory of God”.
Of course, many cracked jokes, had a good laugh and passed on the pictures to various groups on Social Media. “Marriages dey crash, marriages dey succeed. We move. No time,” someone typed on Twitter.
“Many marriages have crashed. Elon Musk, Jeff Bezos, Larry King…the list goes on. No one is great at making marriages work. More marriages will crash,” another added.
“When I thought I’ve seen it all. Then this! Marriages are now advanced relationships since we have normalized divorce. My own marriage will work,” another quipped.
“Better than beating up your spouse or mentally abusing your spouse. Africans should normalize divorce,” typed another.
“The man must have gone through hell for him to be celebrating like this. This divorce party will soon become a trend in Nigeria.”
That was April 20, 2021.
On May 3, 2021, a few hours before Midnight, news that broke that technology billionaire and erstwhile CEO of Microsoft, Bill and his wife Melinda Gates had thrown in the towel on their 27-year marriages.
This caught the eye.
Why? Well, the reason was couched in very simple language that did not say much.
“After a great deal of thought and a lot of work on our relationship, we have made the decision to end our marriage…we no longer believe we can grow together as a couple in this next phase of our lives.”
“We have raised three incredible children and built a foundation that works all over the world to enable all people to lead healthy, productive lives,” the statement says. “We continue to share a belief in that mission and will continue our work together at the foundation, but we no longer believe we can grow together as a couple in this next phase of our lives.”
Melinda Gates filed a petition for divorce in King County, Washington, on Monday, May 3, 2021, asking a judge to dissolve the marriage based on the couple’s separation contract. Financial details were absent in the documents made public.
Bill Gates is one of the richest people in the world. His net worth was $137 billion as of February, according to the Bloomberg Billionaires Index ranking.
Bill, 65, and Melinda Gates, 56, met at Microsoft — which Bill Gates founded and was, at the time, running as CEO. She started as a product manager as the only woman in the first class of MBA graduates to join the company, and eventually rose through the ranks to become general manager of information products.
While many break-ups had been overlooked, for many around the world, this struck a chord. How did one of the world’s most influential men lose his grip on his 27-year old marriage?
“Bill Gates is not the ideal role model for success in business, wealth and riches. Why should his failed marriage be the yardstick for the marriage of others around the world; that is not very realistic and correct?” said a Jos-based cleric, Obinna Anselm.
But is marriage as an institution under threat?
Twitter user and CEO, Overwood, Dr. Tayo Oyedeji (@tayooye) pitched in on the night of Tuesday, May 4, 2021.
“I can’t speak to the specifics of the marriages in this case because I obviously don’t roll in the gilded circles of B. Gates/J. Bezos but I understand why Bill said ‘We no longer believe we can grow together as a couple in the NEXT PHASE of our lives,’. For what this ‘next phase’ could imply, permit me to tell you a short story.
“My grandfather was married to my grandma for about 30 years before he (grandpa) became the traditional ruler (Alapa of Okin) of my small town. Soon after he became a ‘big man’, he married a second wife and a third and a fourth. He stopped at 4. Why? Like Gates said, he no longer believed they could grow together as a couple in the ‘next phase’ of their lives. Grandma was his partner. She knew him while he was struggling and still saw him as ‘the man’ she married 30 years earlier.
“But he was no longer that man. He was now a successful man who needed a different kind of spouse – a cheerleader.
“Grandma obviously knew his bullshit and couldn’t suddenly transition to the hero-worship of the new wives. But she remained his closest confidant and friend. That was then: this is now.
“Bill & Jeff exist in a world that eschews polygamy. They have literally become demigods at work but their wives (two brilliant, successful women) can’t be bothered to hero-worship these ‘gods’.
“Their wives are great partners but these ‘new’ men need a different kind of validation. It’s difficult for someone who knows your struggles to see you as a ‘god’,” Oyedeji tweeted.
He opined that the fact that many great men are considered ordinary at home by wives who’d seen them struggle seemed to damage their ego.
“I am certain it’s quite difficult for multi-billionaires. By the way, that’s also why a lot of successful men cheat on their wives. The secretary literally worships them for their brilliance and amazing records as the CEO while [the] madam just wants them to stop flinging their shoes around the house.”
The US-based Nigerian, who has become quite fond of giving financial advise and getting many to invest what little they can to prepare for rainy days even had some word of advice for those hoping to marry, struggling with their marital lives or divorced.
“How should we react to this? Humility, humility, humility. You are just a man. This is obviously just an acknowledgment of this reality, not an endorsement. This is also not an endorsement of divorce or marital infidelity,” he cautioned. “It is just my observation that successful men transition from man to ‘god’ in the views of everyone else apart from their spouses.”
As his pitch attracted more reactions, the investor was quick to point out that it was just his opinion.
“I could be wrong about this. It’s just one man’s opinion. But I have spent a lot of time with very successful people and many of them tell me, ‘I wish my wife would understand how GREAT I am’. I wish I could tell them, ‘She knows the real you so she is won’t worship you’.”
He acknowledged that he had Tweeted enough and, as a last line, signed off with a question.
“Can you really expect a spouse to change from treating you like a regular dude to seeing and treating you like a partner who is also great [like Elon Musk or Gates, for instance]?”
But are marriage vows and values still sacred or are the walls of the hallowed institution being gnawed at by tenets of the 21st Century?
“Times are changing quick and things are not what they once were. If we have the Internet, smart cars, smart phones, super-smart appliances, super-fast planes, COVID-19 which has changed the way we do business and work, robots and other forms of artificial intelligence, the fact that our values will be affected – even in marriage – is given. Nothing is safe from the 21 Century Bug. It is eating everything, even the way we communicate as human beings.
“So, if everything as we know it is changing, why not marriage and other social aspect of our lives?” queried an Abuja-based sociologist, Dr. Cyrus Menegbe. “We will lose some and gain others As society moves in the direction of progress, we will have our hands full and shed some ‘weight’ on the way. Most times, we cannot decide what we will let go of and how we do this; the environment we are re-modelling and the factors within it make these decisions for us.”
